U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
