obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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