i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
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I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
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You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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