I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
