omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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