You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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