He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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