I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
