Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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