theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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