One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
