I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
