That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
