i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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