that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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