dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
