and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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