Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
