I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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