she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
