New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
