My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
