omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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