Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
