That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
