I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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