When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
