doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
