Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
