the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
