the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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