return my video game
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
