i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
