He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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