Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
