Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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