For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
