i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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