totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
