Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
