Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
