Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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