in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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