Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
