You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
