She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
