Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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