how can u be prego again
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
