shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
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I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
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I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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