two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
