Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
