I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
