yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
