I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
