I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
