on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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