Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I checked into jail on foursquare
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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