I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
