Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
