I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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