Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
