He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Life is so much better after having sex.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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