she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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