Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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