it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
