Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
