but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I look better un-naked...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
