I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
