I hate all girls vehemently.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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