i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
